Stranded at Newark

2008-09-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

On the first day at my current place of employment the manager looked at me and said
"It takes a certain type person to work here".... over the last year I have come to understand exactly what she was trying to explain!
Not only do I know now "I" am that type person, but so is everyone there!
trust me it isn't easy ... The place itself is just chaotic!
while when working on the front line at the "blingy kingdom", I had learned the necessity of functioning as a team, the importance in following a chain of command and how things are broken down into parts or roles in order for things to work properly as a body.
Now its all about "individuals"!!
To cope I try not to take things too seriously and can always find some analogy ... the space we have to work in is not only very small but enclosed as well. There is a high wall separating us from the actual public we are there to serve, which makes communication or even just seeing them at times impossible! both sides are equally narrow and most often packed with people! So you can imagine the stress of everyone trying to do or get what they need all at once. Not everyone handles this well ... not only do customers fight with each other like children, they attack us too!! I have been screamed at, had things throw at me, insulted and even threatened! To make it worse our side has problems of it's own ..... on a whole for some reason I related things to england.
Like - working there is kind of an island and if we don't have respect , understanding or patience life isn't gonna go well for any of us! after all, we are each just trying to do the same thing - our jobs! With so many people crammed into one space we are constantly bumping into each other ... everyone deals differently with it ... one seems to make himself into an immovable object you can't pass around at all, ..... another expects you to learn how not to have any physical contact with them what so ever and will start yelling when you do... both can be very frustrating ! Luckily the rest of us are able act in more productive ways .....
Not only is the space narrow, it's short too ... so if you get to close to either "end" you can't get back in ... LOL
Yesterday I kept getting pushed out and thought to myself it was like working in a a mosh pit!!
but I guess you would only get that if you have seen one....
It's fast paced and what makes it even more fun (satire)... is there is a only one small table for 8 people to do things on simultaneously ... one is putting together a gift basket, another sandwiches for catering, while cookies are being packaged, vegetables chopped, salmon sliced, phone orders taken ... ahhhhhhh !!! I'm getting stressed just thinking about it!!!
All at the same time in the background 5 phones are ringing.. the people you are helping are screaming about being double parked.. the ones waiting are arguing (with you and each other) over waiting, in the left corner there is a game of charades being played with a group of Italian tourist trying to "act out" what they want, on the right children crying, Add in the lady who for some reason thought bringing her dog inside was ok, and sees no problem with it licking and eating the bagels on the shelf. Another woman with a baby carraige/snowplow pushing through the crowd. People with O.C.D, A.D.D and some we think have either just arrived from outer space or have never been in public before!! cell phones and questions toooo stupid to even answer! I don't think there is a way to describe it properly ...
But somehow we also have to remain professional through this ..... and again I thought of England or at least what I think it's traditional manners and politeness are, or should be ... from all I learned from my one grandmother.....
still luckily we are not expected to put up with shit !
This post isn't really about work though.... it's about individuals.
Myself and the ones I have come to know during my time here.
Cause like I said ... we are all that type person, or at least in the same phase of our life.
What that means might be equally hard to express.

I remembered back to the conversation I had with Jayde before we both left East Liverpool ... about how being there had felt like living out the hitchhikers guide .... and we had been waiting with our thumbs up for a ride ....
All the adults I work with right now came from somewhere else .... and all arrived were we are in the same way..... they took that ride when it came, alone.
weather it was what we really asked for/dreamed of, wanted exactly or not.
some are just ok now being here and live normal lives as is .....
but others still see it as another rest stop of some sort...
not one of simply waiting but actually doing ....
It's not that any of us thrive on hectic environments, are out right gluttons for punishment, need to be in stressful situations, or enjoy extreme anything, cause trust me none of us do! ... but it's that we somehow can that makes us alike and that we all learn from it and each other and honestly grow through the process in entirely positive ways.
Most of us know already we will not be here forever, but aren't irresponsible gypsy types just bouncing around either so why we choose to remain in such demanding conditions while we sort ourselves out I do ask ..... cause I also know none of us are stupid .
For me there was a moment in the beginning I did make a conscience choice whether or not to remain there, when I could very easily have found a new less demanding job, I'm sure all of us did ....
What I needed most at the time was to find my balance and center of peace again, and what it takes to stand up inside a mosh pit is strength.
Makes me think of the symbol for Pisces - two fish facing opposite directions.... both going to the same place really....... It represents personal evolution and is explained varies ways in every culture ... but what it means is .... I took the low road ... it's far from easier but it is defiantly quicker!

2008-08-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

... for some reason I just like this one.... :)

Staten Island

2008-08-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Days off i love to grab one of those disposable cameras and head out on an exploration to somewhere new.
A little day adventure.
I am surprised how much to do in NYC is free :0
like the ferry trip to Staten island......

I think you could go to the same place everyday and never run out of things to see.
Another day I will have to take some pictures of battery park....
The gardens, the statue of liberty and the harbor full of ships and colorful sailboats is breath taking ...
On this trip across, I (of course) went to check out the beach -

The day was a bit overcast but beautiful still !!
I sometimes like not so sunny days better.
very opposite place from the beaches at Coney Island.
Secluded, peaceful and pretty much empty.

I walked for hours in complete solitude.
I'm surprised how good photos come out with just a cheap throw away camera, and I like the not knowing element involved , unlike the digital ones where you can pick your shots on the spot.
I am no photographer I don't know what I am really.
But, I'm no fan of editing or staging pictures either.... life is beautiful just as it is, and as it happens ... why do some people have to change everything?
And the things you missed or that didn't come out .... just give you a reason to go back another day ........

Coney Island

2008-04-12T22:22:00.001-07:00

there has always been places that kind of stand out to me for some reason.
I thinks it's the nostalgia I'm drawn to.
Time off and weather permitting, I have been making trips to coney island.
Always wanted to go there ......
Full of art - history - and carnival culture.
The train ride alone makes the journey worth it, as it travels above ground across Brooklyn, so looking out the window theres lots to see.
These photos are of the very colorful mural painted building across the street that greets you just outside stillwell station.
.... which is amazing in itself (To me anyway) .........
this is the platform .....
..................... pictures from inside, of the stained glass walls didn't come out to well this time .... :(
on the way back I was the only one there ..... the conductor opened his door and we spoke for a bit ...... he let me sit in the drivers seat ... LOL !! ......
I love this below picture !
taken out the front window ....

It's so hard for me to expess how I feel and think about things anymore.......
I've kind of had a "Heidi" like life growing up......
with some years lived on my mothers goat farm in the woods (NO LAUGHING AT THAT!!!)
.......... and others running the streets of Pittsburgh.
I am no stranger to city life ..... but now understand why Pittsburgh is often labeled a pretend city by outsiders. Even its most inner areas could never come close to being defined "urban" by NYC standards. and with the recent -- years just past, spent "becoming one with nature" ..... admiring, loving and understanding the world built by "GOD" ......... I now find myself inside an opposite almost entirely man made existence ....... and there is an amazing beauty to be found in that as well.
even in train tracks.......
still, no matter where I am at that moment ...... there is always a piece of me somewhere else (if that makes sense to anyone) so as much as I prefer city living -My inner balance needs to be maintained between both ..... .

of all the things in this world I love, ocean (and stars), just make my heart ache!!!
On the old blog I had wrote several times of my water dreams and a sailor like "sea sickness" ................ how I could smell it in the breeze sometimes all the way in PA. , calling me from somewhere deep down inside if I stayed away to long.
I remember the comments from Steven reflecting back to his navy days, looking out across the endless water and connecting that feeling with seeing god......
thats the main reason I go to Coney Island. Did I say I love it? The sound of wind and waves the gulls, the smell of salt and sand, I don't even care what the weather is ... on this day was in the 30's ... brrrrrr. The sky looks painted doesn't it?
I'm there looking for god .................... or that sense of connection to it.

.......................... there is also a board walk .
Not quite as big as Atlantic or Ocean city's but looks fun. Each time I go back more things are open.
Traditional shore attractions .......
I sat and had a beer in one of the beach front bars ..... which is something I've never seen.
the walls were just covered in photos and memorabilia from summers past.......
The Bartender said he had grown up there in Coney Island, all the way back in the steeple park days ....... I hope I will speak with him again.
I'm sure he has some incredible stories to tell.

Pieces of me .....

2008-02-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

The first rule of philosophy is "know thyself"
I'm sure there are several stages to this process maybe its never ending.
years and years ago I sat down to look back on who I was and all the things that made me.

The truth is found in the beginning.
Thomas Moore will describe this as kind of taking a flashlight back into your past and finding the positive outcome of all those things you suffered through, whined about and tripped over as a kid.
guess it starts at.....
I was born!
A teenage accident and raised by grandparents with an extra set thrown in.
So really I had 6 parents in total, all very different people.
I reckon this is one reason I developed into an "INFJ".
I was amazed recently to find several of my idols classed in this group... and a common thing with this type people is they had no set standard to model themselves after.
They say the foundation of a person is set by age 3 .....
My fathers family are Italian immigrants who don't speak English.
You would think I could speak some Italian now... but I can't.
because no attempt was ever made to communicate verbally between me and them, a kind of "6th sense" was used, eye contact, motions, observation on my part etc......... I just learned to "know" what was going on, what was wanted or being said.
Their home was a safe place, full of sights, smells, touch and hidden magic.
They were amazing people with an incredible story. I have nothing but beautiful memories of them. Here is also where I get my bond and connection to immigrants - being able to listen to and understand someone without the proper words - is a both a gift to give and skill to be used.
I spent most of my time with grandFATHERS ...... My mothers father in particular. Always the teacher ..... he had his own successful advertising firm and I was always his date and sidekick to the city for meetings and business dinners. I think is this why I have no fear of authority or men. I grew up playing on the porch with the big dogs, listening to them ................ in my head I was just one of them and no one ever told me or made me feel I wasn't. He was also a lover of history .... full of WW stories!! ...........................with a million books of ships, planes and heros lying around. He had friends at the airport who would sometimes call for me to come see .............. believe it or not once I saw a cargo of kangaroos in transport to some zoo.
I also lived inside an entirely adult world - meaning there were no other kids to play with at all ...... so you can imagine the troubles I faced when starting school - in a "what is wrong with all you people?" kind of way.
Though the women I've know have really been more the example of what NOT to be ....
there were 2 I looked up to.
both of them were elementary school teachers.
1 was crazy aunt teddy ...... talk about eccentrics .........
and my step grandma Nelly. she took me everywhere. without her I would of had no real childhood at all. She also made me work for everything even when I didn't ask for it..... she even volunteered me out to the neighborhood ....
She came into my life when my mother married, and some one decided it would be a good idea if I lived with my parents now.
And I soon became the oldest of 6.
So basically at age 7 .... my entire world flipped.
I went from no other children to - no adults, and people just started handing me kids ...... their own, their friends, cousins, the neighbors, entire T-ball teams ..........
And I was responsible for everything and everyone.
People now will sometimes mistake my personality for childish, or immature.
But they are way wrong ....... I had to learn how to control all these kids!!
Force might have been someone else's choice, but I got in trouble for that too !!
so I had to find a way to make them WANT to listen to me.
Part of that meant becoming one of them as a playmate.
There is more than one way to be a leader.
I grew very protective, to see anyone or anything being hurt or put into danger, instinct kicks in and I step up.
I also had to stand up for myself and be responsible for me.
Really it was sooo unsupervised I can't believe I survived at all and I thank GOD!! nothing serious ever happened to anyone.
I can just imagine had someone drowned or something horrible "I" would be blamed for the rest of my life ....... even if I was 9 at the time.

I changed schools 4 times too so I could never keep up.... and anytime I asked for help I got that wonderful pat on the back I love so much.
But I'm glad now, maybe I would have never started learning on my own.
And I guess thats also why I don't feel being one of the popular kids is all that important.
Well I had no intention of writing out my life story here .....
skipping over the really bad parts ........ this past is very past ...... long over - dealt with, forgiven and forgotten.
Today I am thankful for every second of it, cause I like the person I am very much.
The moving on and letting go process is where you learn and part of who you will "become".
I'm in new phase now and needing that flashlight again.......... to go back and realize what I accomplished instead of what I have lost and remember what I learned there.
I have often joked I seem to be living life in reverse .......
I was born an adult and not regressed in anyway but grew into a free spirited child.
still responsible, and I'm no hippie.
It wasn't easy either, it took hard actual work, inner strength, will, patience and practice.
You see there is a big difference between people who read or learn stuff and those who actually apply wisdom, and gain self control.
I have learned mostly from others what not to be!
more what I do not want.
what works and what doesn't.
Sitting here with the lights on again, I feel no need or reason to write out all I have achieved for anyone to read.
there is proof! .... even if its only for me , to remember, and bring into the future.
I know me, and I think thats all that matters right now.

2008-02-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

While out and about exploring yesterday, I somehow ended up drinking wine while sitting in on a songwriters meeting at some eccentric millionaires east village apartment. (don't ask)
Anyway it was on the ninth floor of one of those old NYC tenant buildings.... tight winding staircase... narrow hallways, bathtub in the kitchen. Very bohemian.
The room was set up with mis matched chairs circled around a small sofa held up by stacks of magazines....lol
On the walls were hung photos of the hosts musical career and some of his personal influences.
Yates was the only one I recognized.
The group was mixed ... from old to just out of high school looking, male, female, a couple geek types and a even a cowboy.
Though I don't claim to have any musical talents myself, for some reason I always seem to attract musicians as friends .... and it's not like "I" seek them out, but they find me?
So after a few hours of conversation and wine, an acoustic guitar was passed around for each to share what ever song they had been working on. I have to admit I thought it was gonna be a just for fun "jam session" but turned out, they were all professionals and very serious and talented song writers , it was actually more like a support group, kind of where they offered/ asked for ideas and critiques.
Watching and listening to them play and exchange ideas, really took me back to my art days.
You could just see in their eyes the dedication and love they had for what they were doing.
Same as every artist, performer or designer I have ever know .... even some of the cooks.
I envy people blessed with a single obsession.
Though ability lead me to art school ..... there I learned I'm not an artist :(
and not for lack of creativity, talent or ambition.
It's my obsession lies elsewhere.
Out there in the world.
Personally I have very traditional values and ideas with set moral standards
( for myself at least ) and I've always been the "responsible" type.
Which doesn't mean I am afraid to take risks.
Why is everyone else?
I don't want to own a home.
I don't care if I am in style.
I don't need "things" to be happy.
Honestly I don't even care if I have friends
I'm sorry I'm not like others,
other girls, other people ......
It's not my fault

2008-02-19T08:05:00.000-08:00

I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself, I need to rewind myself
Lookin' for the payback
Listen for the playback

They say that every man bleeds just like me

And I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in line

Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me
It's hard to hang out in crowds

I guess that's the price you pay

Still I can't find love

People don't know bout the things I say and do
They don't understand the shit that I've been through

Maybe I forgot all the things I've missed
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve

Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving!
.......... just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking that there line!
So I think I'll keep on walking,
I'll keep moving on
and only God knows why

Quick Tour

2007-12-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

GRAND CENTRAL STATION

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T21:30:00.002-08:00

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o’er the plains,
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ Whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee,
Christ the Lord, the newborn King.......................

2007-12-22T20:14:00.001-08:00

I love jumping J

punk / rocker chick at heart!!!

2007-12-20T19:18:00.001-08:00

RISE AGAINST

.......is this the life that you lead,
or the life that's lead for you?
will you take the road that's been laid out before you?

GIVE IT ALL
there?s a reason why I sing,
I give it all! and its these reasons that belong to me......

SURIVE!

SWING LIFE AWAY
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end..............

Learn to think like a New Yorker.....

2007-12-17T20:08:00.000-08:00

So a Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals.
The Chief comes to them and says,
" The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you.
We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and use your skins to build canoes.
The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchmand cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save the Queen!", and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, sides, chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?"

The New Yorker sneers and says, "So much for your canoe, you stupid fuck!"

2007-12-10T20:45:00.001-08:00

So much on my mind lately.
I'm not in a bad mood, but feeling a bit depressed, maybe a little angry too.
All my life I wanted to travel abroad, not as a tourist either. It's not that I don't love my own country, cause I do............. maybe I'll write about all that another time.
Right now this hurts ..... maybe it's the way it's worded.
I know being in New York now is still way better than where I was, and anytime I want to experience culture there's a neighborhood to visit ..... China, Italy, India, Mexico .... anywhere in the world I want to go, it's right here, I'm lucky in that sense.
But what has happened to the world?
The only contribution a person a can make in life is financial?
I don't like the label "unskilled" either ...... It's insulting!!
You need a million dollars or a masters degree to be a productive member of society?

So it looks like I will never be welcome in England. sure that's not the only other country in the world, but I always thought of her as our mother, I loved her.
I could go on to list everything that makes me wonderful but fuck it.
I would have been a most excellent and gracious guest ......

2007-11-27T22:20:00.000-08:00

"Somebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses.
He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else.
And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous.
There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century.
What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind.
We owe it to a few writers of antiquity (Plato, Aristotle, etc.)
that the people in the Middle Ages could slowly extricate themselves from the superstitions and ignorance that had darkened life for more than half a millennium.
Nothing is more needed to overcome the modernist's snobbishness."

(Albert Einstein, 1954)

It's always encouraging after coming to some conclusion on your own.... to actually find great minds who agree.

what does that mean really ?!!!?

2007-11-25T19:22:00.000-08:00

I still struggle with my strange obsession with words.

And after all this time there are a few that continue to piss me off daily.

The two to get me going most are "left" and "right" LM- AO! I hate both!!

I can't stand to see them used at all anymore!!

in reference,

as labels,

for insults .......

awww fuck it!! in my world both are hereby outlawed forever! and ever amen!

There are more but I won't bother to list them, I think those links pretty much sum up the point I'm trying to make.

How did sooo many words out there today being thrown around at each other like paper airplanes, take on new meaning? The definitions completely lost - erased even, and the entire concept meant to be expressed becomes nothing more than a matter of personal opinion, which somehow changes with each user.

Usually for two terms to be used against each other you would think they should be opposites ....

like a negative and positive maybe?

Take "liberal" and "conservative" for example.

both can't be good ideas or they would mean the same .

things that don't change grow stagnant...

but existence without boundaries has no form.

I'm sure I would not like to live as or in a world dominated by either principle.

where is the balance?

why only two to choose from when there are so many?

Yeah the ones I've used here are normally connected to politics, and main weapons in the never ending debates.

but I see and hear it every where, some I've wrote out before others I kept to myself .

Is this part of our decline?

empty words.............

In a shallow world can even they have no true meaning?

who's writing this book?

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.

When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."

-- Buddha

I Believe

2007-11-25T12:48:00.000-08:00

I believe in the supreme worth of the individual and in his right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I believe that every right implies a responsibility;

every opportunity, an obligation;

every possession, a duty.

I believe that the law was made for man and not man for the law;

that government is the servant of the people and not their master.

I believe in the dignity of labor,

whether with head or hand;

that the world owes no man a living but that it owes every man an opportunity to make a living. I believe that thrift is essential to well ordered living

and that economy is a prime requisite of a sound financial structure,

whether in government,

business or personal affairs.

I believe that truth and justice are fundamental to an enduring social order.

I believe in the sacredness of a promise,

that a man's word should be as good as his bond;

that character -- not wealth or power or position -- is of supreme worth.

I believe that the rendering of useful service is the common duty of mankind and that only in the purifying fire of sacrifice is the dross of selfishness consumed and the greatness of the human soul set free.

I believe in an all-wise and all-loving God,

named by whatever name,

and that the individual's highest fulfillment,

greatest happiness,

and widest usefulness are to be found in living in harmony with His will.

I believe that love is the greatest thing in the world;

that it alone can overcome hate;

that right can and will triumph over might.

.............. more quotes from Rockefeller

blogger block

2007-11-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

One thing that has pulled me away from writing much over the last year, is that I like talking to "real" people .... meaning I enjoy a good conversation.
One on one is best.
An art and skill I find extremely lacking out there in blogland comment world.
Strangers are my favorite to speak with,
I could sit and talk for hours to almost any one.
And I try to learn something from everyone of them.
Though my current job may have came about rather randomly, It pays the bill, and I'm happy to be working directly with people again ..... it will do, for now anyway.
Madison Ave is a very busy street, and the museum close by brings a steady flow of unique caricatures through the door through out the day.
millionaires, business men, tourists, school children..... you name it.
Sometime soon I will have to tell a few tales from " adventures in dealing with the rich"...
but for now just one encounter is on my mind.
A young man whom I spoke with briefly..... I can't say how the dialogue went from tea to nationalities .......... he had chosen earl gray and I commented on my preference for Darjeeling.... I don't remember much of what was said in between, but a single statement has made me wonder for days...... he shared the topic recently discussed with a friend, over being Chinese .... born and raised in the united states .... and losing all their Chinese .....
To that I asked..... if you are born and raised American ? aren't you American? .... you are not and never have been Chinese........
He stated only ..... Americans are SO boring, they have no culture or tradition.

Since when and why are Americans boring?
what do you mean we have no tradition?

And I can't think of any place more culturally diverse.... especially while standing in a city like New York.

Since 9/11 , every time I see the statue of liberty, I remember the inscription at her feet ....

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

How did such words of hope sent out , bring back over time such resentment and hatred for just the name "American"?
Is the world jealous we took it's garbage and built something great?
Are Ellis Islands long closed doors symbolic of a message meant only for past generations?
and who is responsible for letting the light in that torch go out ........ so even the people living under it can't see?
Being first generation American myself I can relate to a love for ones own personal heritage, but why does that have to exclude any respect, appreciation, or acknowledgment for others and what they have offered to the pot?
I can't understand people and their small thinking ........ why would you want to be just "Chinese" when you can be a citizen of the world?

call me hippie, wouldn't be the first time..... It's not my fault!! Blame Pittsburgh!!
You try growing up in a small corner of the world where everyday is a celebration and see how you turn out......

The mad hatter....

2007-11-24T18:42:00.000-08:00

Almost December and in most places the leaves are still green ,

though it is finally starting to get cold.

In the mornings especially.

So, I've been searching for a new hat to keep my ears warm on the way to work.

Everything looks the same to me, both on the people and in the shops.

scarfs too.....

I tend to be quite picky, and bored with fashion anymore.

make that I hate "trends".

any way, after 3 weeks of searching I made a purchase......

Of all things!!! I come home with a feather trimmed tricorn much like the one pictured here.

It was cheap, the man almost gave it to me just for being the only one to look at it.

I'm starting to fear one day my closet may resemble some backstage costume rack.

just kidding ...kind-a, hehe...

made me think of a ships admiral.

Don't worry I won't wear it out (maybe if it were smaller)

More symbolic I think, so I've hung it on the wall.

but why don't people wear fun hats?

They put on ball caps, golf hats, fishing hats, cowboy hats, ski caps, the list goes on....

who drew the line at feather trimmed tricorns?

Sure mine is a bit over the top, but I think now I may get more creative and open in my hat search.

In my own little corner in my own little world....

2007-11-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

The front door to my new apartment is strange....
From the inside, it looks to me like one going into a home instead of out .
So, I joke to myself every time I leave that its the entrance into another dimension.
..... since the portal is only connected to MY living room, I don't have to knock, and the door is never locked from the outside, I think it proves the world is mine.
My home!
Which makes YOU all visitors, though not all were invited and I'm sorry to say some are quite rude, plus there are more than a few unwelcome guests out there!

2007-11-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

‘Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’

‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.

‘I don’t much care where—’ said Alice.

‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.

‘—so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an explanation.

‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.’

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. ‘What sort of people live about here?’

‘In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw round, ‘lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the other paw, ‘lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.’

‘But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked.

‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat: ‘we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’

‘How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice.

‘You must be,’ said the Cat, ‘or you wouldn’t be here.’

I find myself in a very strange place all round,
much different from the place I came,
both physically and personally.
I did not intend to be here.
To be honest, for the first time in my life I don't know what to do!!
once before I wrote of Alice and her meeting with the Caterpillar ...................
" who? Are? You?" he had asked ....
her reply " I hardly know anymore....."
...............though those days are long behind me.
sitting here today I wondered of Alice again
and who she crossed paths with next in wonderland.
Had to laugh when I read the dialogue - how fitting !!
Mad hatter here I come!!! LOL
I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong ........... just thinking.
Maybe to start I should unpack some metaphorical boxes.
I went from the world only at my finger tips to ......... right outside my door!!
Just not the view I expected to see when opening it.
I was soooo sure what I wanted before I took that step!!!
but sometimes fate has a way of jumping in with plans of its own.
Life has detours, transfer stations, and long unavoidable stair cases to climb.
you get what you want in the end ....... just not always the way YOOOOOUUUU thought it would go, or exactly when you wanted it.
It all works out, it just does! I've learned that from experience ............. when all the necessary lessons are learned, levels cleared and the time is right to move forward, you will.
and you are always exactly where you should be.
So, why am I here?

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
just remember what the door mouse said .... feed your head!!!

Once upon a time...

2007-11-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

though not long ago, nor very far away,
a girl with too much on her mind started a blog.
Mostly to have a place to put her thoughts and heart down,
partly with hopes, that one day she might say something, send it out into the universe, and maybe, just maybe it would be heard.
If the truth really is in the beginning .................. I think its true to say it was, if only for a while.
But blogs sometimes have to end, so new stories can begin.